Zoo Conditions Slightly Improved, More Supporters Needed!


Uncle Sam’s annual relief brought some much-needed upgrades recently at the Prestridge Zoo, but more work is desperately needed. While the Los Angeles Zoo boasts more than 80 acres at their disposal, the Prestridge Zoo humbly resides within 1,385 square feet. Plans to increase the zoo to just 1,560 square feet with a living space add-on of merely 120 sq. ft. have been put on hold because apparently concrete and roof shingles are no longer available at the local food bank.

While the bedrooms (formerly known as Daddy’s Garage) have done a good job of giving the monkeys adequate sleeping quarters, without this much needed addition, dreams of feeding all the monkeys at one time around one table will again be pushed aside. In a world where monkeys grow up too fast, the lack of family dinners is tragic indeed.

I hate Garfield and his orange stripes!

Zookeeper Tiffany recently reported that her dream of joining Bob Barker’s crusade to help control the pet population has almost reached fruition. The last of the canine’s in need of spaying was operated on yesterday quite successfully. Blondie even managed to pick her up from the vet without any major catastrophe’s. However, there is still a feline in desperate need of a few snips with the surgical scissors before she manages to single-handedly breed all of the spots and stripes out of Texas kittens in an almost scary Hitler-like fashion.

Meanwhile, educations programs aimed at teaching the felines tolerance and respect of other animals will continue to take priority.

Bella hates me but the bird dances on my booty!

 Prestridge Zoo has become a world-renowned facility in the training of their monkeys. Not only do the monkeys feed all aquatic animals, but they also provide companionship for both the canine and feline species inside the zoo. The monkeys have even passed on their motto, “I’m sexy and I know it” to Chelsea, the Cockatiel, who dances around happily all day saying “pretty bird, pretty bird!”

Six of the seven monkeys are currently integrated in the public school system, with high hopes that the last little monkey will be able to join them this fall.

 Prestridge Zoo has housed many fish, turtles, birds, frogs, lizards, beetles, and even an ant farm. However, the focus of the Zoo Keeper’s continues to be raising monkey’s to become valuable members of society. They are simultaneously surviving the Teen years alongside the toddler years in what most expetts have termed “utter insanity”.

Meanwhile, the kitchen has not stood up to the zeal with which monkey meals are prepared. The hole in the countertop often swallows pop tarts that are momentarily set down. Using two of the burners on the stove requires a special pattern of beating and kicking that must be completed in perfect sequence and rhythm before heating will begin. The Bermuda Triangle has nothing on the Prestridge Rectangle, the spot on the kitchen floor where the tile up and disappeared without a trace. The boxes once referred to as cabinets serve absolutely no purpose in their current state of out-of-date homemade in 1977 condition.

While the animals being cared for in the Prestridge Zoo receive a great deal of love and attention, the structure is in need of immediate renovations if the work of the Zookeepers is to continue.  However, this is not a Unicef commercial. These monkeys cannot be fed for only a dollar a day. In fact, they eat more like $40 a day in bananas alone.

T-monkey really enjoys the pull-up bar Big Brother installed in the hallway!

By now, you must be asking yourself “How can I help?” If your Uncle Gordo recently bought out a hardware store and is looking to unload all his treasures, contact the zoo immediately! If you don’t have an Uncle Gordo, but you never got around to using the Home Depot gift card burning a hole in your wallet, mail it to the Prestridge Zoo as quickly as possible to minimize the “burning a hole” effect that destroys most wallets.

If you don’t have an Uncle Gordo, or a hole in your wallet, or lottery winnings you feel the need to share, you can still get involved. For just $1 you could contribute to the Prestridge Zoo Renovations Fund. By donating to the PZRF you will provide these adorable little monkeys a place to grow up that didn’t leave the zookeepers owing tens of thousands of dollars long after their days on earth ended. The current zoo will be paid off in only four more years, a lesson in frugality all of the monkeys are learning firsthand.

The zoo does not maintain any lines of credit or deficit spending. The Zoo does not have any wealthy benefactors, rich uncles, or winning lottery tickets. Their only hope is YOU! By clicking here you can donate $1 to the PZRF and watch the blessings unfold. If you do not feel like $1 is enough to show your love, feel free to throw in $5. They won’t argue with generosity at Prestridge Zoo! Countless hysterical blogs are guaranteed to come from the weeks of remodeling ahead. All that’s needed to make it happen is for you to open your heart, and your wallet, and share just $1, and then pass this on to the 9,999 friends you know will also share $1 to see this zoo grow into the enclosure it was meant to be!

These crazy Zookeepers are willing to save money and do all remodeling work themselves, while still feeding the monkeys!

Become a Golden Giver today, and with any $20 donation you will receive a personal letter from the monkeys. You will see first hand how they swing from trees and play Xbox 360 at the same time!

If you’re wondering how the Zoo got desperate enough to issue a blog bulletin begging for fund supporters, blame it all on Ty Pennington. He was expected to bring Extreme Zoo Makeover to rescue the monkeys from their dilapidated kitchen where an old bookcase is serving as a temporary pantry.  Unfortunately, Ty has retired from the Extreme Makeover business, which leaves the Zookeepers on their own to turn the trash into treasure. A day of driving from Lowe’s to Home Depot to Discount Flooring to Surplus Warehouse left the zoo keepers with the realization that their tax return was about $10,000 shy of getting the job done, so why not pitch in and make the zoo into the perfect place for 7 little monkeys to stop jumping on the beds?

***Disclaimer*** The Prestridge Zoo is not a real charitable organization. Therefor, any money you give will truly be spent on remodeling this old house, instead of buying a Maserati for the CFO. You won’t be able to write off your $1 donation, but you will be able to sleep knowing you helped out those crazy people who take in all the strays in need of some extra love and attention!


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