If the dog won’t eat it…

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Since we have established that I am not Mary Poppins, Martha Stewart, or Samantha from Bewitched, I guess we can safely conclude that my baseboards are rarely gleaming, but I do try. I’m not the best housekeeper in the entire world, but I usually manage to keep the refrigerator free from science experiments. This week, however, I even failed at that.

I hate throwing out moldy leftovers, so I always clean the fridge on Mondays because that is when the trash truck manages to roll down my street. Doing it every week keeps me from opening things and saying “when did we eat this, and what was it?” But last week, I missed trash day, so I knew it was gonna get scarey in there. This week, I opened the doors and a scene from CSI was growing in front of me. Remember when I said our family had to close our  Dairy Queen? Well in that sad moment we were given 2 gigantic cans of ketchup. The kids were really excited about that. I know, they’re a strange bunch, but they eat ketchup on everything but their cereal. And the only reason they don’t put it on the Frosted Flakes is because I won’t let them.

We were nearing the bottom of the second can when apparently one of the short people had some kind of altercation with the ketchup. There is was, all over the sides of the fridge, all over the bottom of the fridge, and even down under the crisper drawers. How do I know it was a short person? The little footprints in ketchup pretty much gave it away. If I didn’t know that was Hunts smeared everywhere, I would think a critter had been murdered in my Frigidaire.

You know it’s bad when you have to pour boiling water and Clorox in the bottom of the fridge just to get the layer of funk out of there. But there is a bright side! My collection of butter dish Tupperware meant that I didn’t have to worry about what was INSIDE any of the containers. They weren’t part of some fancy matching set, so I was free to just toss entire c0ntainers in the trash. Oh the joys of not playing “what was this moldy meal?”

You  know who didn’t mind the mess in the fridge? The wiener dog. He just stood there waiting to see if I was going to pass any of those bowls on to him. I even caught him sniffing wilted lettuce. Sadly the other dogs were all smart enough to know I missed of week of tossing leftovers, so they steered clear. When your Labrador won’t eat it, that’s telling you something! My mom’s lab has eaten a BLANKET!!

Speaking of things a dog won’t eat…. canned chili! The other day I opened a can of Wolf Brand Chili for the kids to put on their hot dogs. If you’re a consumer of canned chili, let me just encourage you to do this little experiment my mom and I once did. Pour a can of chili into your colander and rinse it down. Seriously, you will be shocked at just how much meat is NOT in there! We learned this by accident after Blondie’s Sweet 16, where chili dogs were on the menu. As we cleaned up, my mom dumped all the chili in the big strainer just to condense it down some, and we could not believe just how much of the chili is that disgusting sauce. So the other night, when one of the kids offered a chili dog to my dear old Macy and she walked away, I wasn’t surprised. I don’t think I can bring myself to ever purchase canned chili again. I think I am going to cook a gigantic batch and just freeze it in can size portions because if the dog won’t eat it, I don’t think I should feed it to the kids…

Old dogs and children…

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12 responses »

  1. Sadly, this rule does not apply to cats. One incessantly licks any kind of plastic bag. Another eats my tampon wrappers and anything that I’m eating. The third refuses to let us clip her claws, yet finds it endearing to spear food that is en route to my mouth with her Freddy Kreuger paw. She also licks every plate of food clean for me if I don’t immediately place the dish in the dishwasher. Doesn’t matter if I say, “No, that’s curry. It’s spicy.” She laps it up and never complains. If ketchup was ever used in my kitchen, I guarantee she’d be swiping it off of my vegan hot dogs before I could take a bite.

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