According to Jordan

courtesy of

courtesy of

According to Jordan, the world is a pretty comical place. Have you ever seen that movie “Madea’s Happy Family”? Well Blondie thought that would be a good family film the other night and we all settled into the living room to watch TV.

If you haven’t seen it, this girl is “Bi—ree—eeeeeeeen’s Baby Mama” and all she does is holler “Biren” like she’s some kind of siren.

So yesterday was the first day of baseball practice for the year and I load the boys up and Jordan and Trenton are in the back seat. “Bi-reee-eeeen, Biiii-ree-eeeeeeeeen, Biiiiiiiiiiii-reeeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeeen” Until I just can’t take it another second and I finally hollered “HUSH”!

“Why in the world do y’all keep saying that?” I asked. To which Jordan replied “Black people are supposed to say that!”

Me: “She didn’t say it because she was black, she said it because she’s stupid.” Jordan: “Oh, well then I’m not gonna say that anymore. I thought she said it because she’s black.”

That kid says the darnedest things. Last week I was watching a Lifetime movie. Jordan came in at the climax, just as the woman tried to steal a young girl’s baby to take the place of the one she lost long ago. He stopped, and starred at the TV in disbelief and then he said “why does she want a baby anyway? All they do is mess up the house!”

Spoken like a true mess-maker if I do say so myself. A few Saturday’s ago I just had to get all these little mess-makers out the house. I was going insane so I decided to load up the car and go check out a few garage sales. Of course the car wouldn’t start, and I had a momentary meltdown. Lucky me, my father-in-law is both top-notch and next door. I really don’t think I would make it without him sometimes! Anyway, he got the car going, and we headed into town.

I was willing to spend a few dollars on some throw-away toys, but I didn’t want any stuffed animals. We got to the last sale on the list and what did the old man have? A box of stuffed animals! Of course I said “no, I’m not buying any of those” so the old man said “Oh, they can just have them!”

Great, free teddy bears! Just what we needed. We got a Harley Davidson Pitt Bull, a lion, a dog that really barked and did flips and then the twins got old fashioned teddy bears, and Jordan’s wall all decked out in his UT jersey.


It wasn’t long before double trouble got into a fight over the bears. Jayden stole the shirt from the UT Bear. All I could hear were screams of “Give it back! GIVE IT BACK!!”

Finally, I settled it. “Give him back the shirt for his bear!

Jayden threw it at him, like it meant nothing, and said “my bear doesn’t even wear a shirt…”

And what did Jordan say?
“That’s because your bear is NASTY!”

And that my friends is why life in the zoo is never dull!


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