The Roof is On Fire!


Okay, so it wasn’t the roof, but it could have been! There were definitely flames involved.

After two weeks of being pretty much home in bed, I was happy when I got a text asking me if I could come to work for a half day. I miss the hustle and bustle of the hallway and all the teenagers bouncing down it. I like working at the high school. I love being around young people. It keeps me from taking myself too seriously, and it reminds me how much older and wiser I really have become. Plus, I never miss out on report card day, which is a bonus for me even though my kids probably wish I’d miss one every now and then so they could slide by for a change.

When I clocked in at noon I was glad just to be back among the living! But at 1pm my phone rang, and shockingly it was the elementary nurse. I say “shockingly” with a huge chunk of sarcasm blended in because I have heard from her so much I honestly believe she keeps me on speed dial. It’s nothing new for my kids to run head on into walls, fall and skin their knees, or pretend to have a belly ache, but last week she had to call me every single day.

I think it was because I had been so sick. When kids are worried, they do crazy things like pee their pants or chew their shirts and I got those calls on Monday and on Tuesday. So Wednesday I was expecting to hear that someone needed dry pants, but the nurse said “Get HERE FAST, Trenton to needs to be rushed to the ER, QUICK!”

I ran to the office, and said “I”m out!” Then I rushed to the elementary like Speed Racer. I ran up the steps, and headed straight for the nurse’s office. When I stepped inside, the nurse and the principal were sitting with my son. “He says his tongue is swollen, he can’t really talk right, he must be having a reaction to something.”

So, I look at him, with my best Mommy scorn, and say “Trenton, is your tongue swollen, or are you sleepy?”

“I’m sleepy, Mama!” He said.

The principal looked shocked. “I’ve never seen a child fake an allergic reaction”, she said.

So, I had to explain that he has developed an obsession with commercials, and the latest one where the kids suffer from food allergies seems to have really caught his attention because he has pulled that stunt a dozen times at home. Then I found out that he had told the nurse he had taken his brother’s medicine instead of his. (He forgot to mention they are the exact same thing.) These ladies were about to call for an ambulance and a social worker!!

So, since I had used my daily dose of energy on this one crazy shenanigan, I took him home to put him to bed. If he was that sleepy, might as well let him get a nap out of it. I went to the laundry room to put some clothes in the dryer and as I was walking back into the hallway I heard the strangest noise. It sounded like bugs hitting one of those zappers, so I went back in the laundry room just in time to see flames shooting up from behind the dryer.

Another dose of adrenaline, and I jumped to put the fire out. Then I called my husband at work, who assumed that if I was calling him at work, I must be dying. He had a moment of panic of his own and then he came home and fixed the clogged up vent and he didn’t even complain that I was trying to sneak in an afternoon nap.

Later that day my best friend called to check on me. After I recounted my tale of the day, all he could say was “can’t you ever having a boring day around there?”

Not in this zoo!!




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