Last Tuesday I got to work, and suddenly I had a feeling in the gut of my stomach. I have seen Blondie do a lot of things. I know when she is going to beg for new jeans, change her hair color, “accidentally” ruin her cell phone, or break up with her boyfriend. Call it magic, esp, or mother’s intuition, but I can tell when she’s up to something.
I got out my phone and sent her a text message. “Why do I think you’re about to break up with **him** and do something crazy?!” I asked her.
“Are we really that bonded Mom?” She replied, and then she said “you can read me like a book!’
I spent the next few minutes trying to figure out what the crazy plan forming in her head was going to entail. Did she have another boyfriend lined up? Was she moving out? Where was she going? But despite all my questions, I had a feeling of total peace. I wasn’t worried like I am so many times when these moments have popped up over the years.
“Mom, I’m going to Nashville” she finally texted back. Ok, I knew that was coming. I started to make plans in my head. “After Christmas we will drive up and look for an apartment” I told her.
“I’m going today” she informed me.
I wasn’t sure what to think. The first thought I had was “you don’t have enough money!” Then I started to rant- “where will you sleep, what if you have a flat tire, how will you eat, who will go with you?”
She assured me she had a plan. One of her best friends was embarking on this adventure with her. She had a tank of gas and about $200. She loaded her car with enough clothes to get herself there.
I tried to convince her to wait for income tax checks to be issued (that is if we still get those) or to wait for after Christmas so I could help her. By then I was off work and I could see her hustling around the house, robbing quarters from all the spots we stash them. Finally she looked at me, and she said “Mom, I think it’s now or never. Every time I get the courage to go, someone talks me out of it, or I talk myself out of it. I know it sounds crazy, but I’ve got to get there. I’ll sleep in my car if I have to, but I need to go…”
With that, I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotions. How did she grow up so fast? How did she become so fearless? Actually, I think she was always fearless. She was never afraid to dream big or to follow her heart, but how would life be without her here? And more than that, how could I even think of telling her not to go?
So I did what any mother would do when faced with that moment when you find yourself looking into the dreams radiating from the piercing blue eyes of their little song bird… I watched her fly away.
To be continued…..