The first tears…

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I haven’t cried since my Blondie left home. I’ve been too busy being excited for her. First I was busy making phone calls and helping her find places to go, apartments to see, people to talk to. Then I was busy packing her room. Then I was busy renting a U-haul. Then I was busy loading up the big ugly van complete with one three-legged dog.

The Big Ugly Van survived another trip across the country. It's not pretty, but sure is Built FORD tough!

The Big Ugly Van survived another trip cross-country. It’s not pretty, but sure is Built FORD tough!

Then I was busy driving her things to Nashville.

Something about a long road tip down beautiful roads just speaks to me...

Something about a long road tip down beautiful roads just speaks to me…

Then I was busy hanging her pictures on the wall.

Even with the flu, I managed to help decorate her first home away from home.

Even with the flu, I managed to help decorate her first home away from home.

Then I unpacked the dishes my grandmother gave me for a wedding gift, and put them away in her cabinets. Then I went around town and watched the glow on her face while she showed us all her favorite places.

She'll never outgrow dancing with her Daddy.

She’ll never outgrow dancing with her Daddy.

Then I loaded a van full of kids and kissed her goodbye, and for a second, I thought I was going to cry and cry, but I choked back those tears and hit the road.

REUNITED, Blondie and Stumpy, Together Again!

REUNITED, Blondie and Stumpy, Together Again!

Then I was busy making sandwhiches in the passenger seat.

Almost the end of Tennessee.

Almost the end of Tennessee.

Then I was busy driving through the night.

Finally under Texas Skies again. There's no place like home.

Finally under Texas Skies again. There’s no place like home.

When I got home I was busy with six kids who caught the flu.

One day I took four of them to the doctor. This one may have been faking it just a little so she could go too!

One day I took four of them to the doctor. This one may have been faking it just a little so she could go too!

Then I was busy repainting bedrooms and rearranging children.

More room to spread out the kids... bitter-sweet!!

More room to spread out the kids… bitter-sweet!!

Then I was busy getting everyone back to school. This morning, I was busy getting dressed and I looked down and realized I could only wear my sparkly flip-flops if I painted my toe nails. As I painted, I couldn’t stop the tears from pouring. It was the first time in nearly 17 years that I have painted my toes without her.

I've lost my pedicure partner...

I’ve lost my pedicure partner…

Something so seemingly small and insignificant, but it was our thing… nail polish.  To this day she still calls it “paint nolish”… that was her word. I told her when she makes it big, she can have her own line of “NOLISH”. When she was little I sometimes painted her nails two and three times a day. When she got big, she usually made sure my toes were presentable… We even had a collection of colors so big we kept it in a bucket under her bed!

I’ve done pretty good letting go, but I’m not sure my toes will ever be the same…

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4 responses »

  1. Pingback: The first tears… | Kelly Blue

  2. Surely after reading this… I do have at least one thing to say! I KNOW that this was almost a year ago since you posted this and that you have survived the bandaid being ripped off as your baby moved out. Mine has been on her own for six years! Yikes so weird to have to actually count and realize. But thank goodness for cell phones and texting! Right? I don’t know how moms did it back when we were kids!
    You sound like a busy mama!
    xoxo
    di

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