School’s Out, FOREVER

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It’s pretty hard to believe that it was already a whole year since my Blondie walked across that field, and said goodbye to high school and threw her cap in the air, but what’s even crazier is that last night, I went to my 20 year reunion! Twenty years!! How did that happen?

Dad-Han-Grad

I guess Blondie is never too old to sit in Daddy’s lap!

I have to be honest. I almost didn’t go. I wasn’t an outcast in high school, but I wasn’t a dance team or cheerleader kind of girl either. I think I talked to everyone sometimes and not very many all the time, and a lot of the time, I think I felt invisible. Looking back, maybe it was my own perception. I was in all sorts of stuff- band, debate, French, choir, anything I could do to stay busy and try to over achieve. I made the effort to be “peppy” even though peppy isn’t quite my personality. All together, I loved high school. I had the opportunity to do so many things and to know so many people, and yet my own inability to love myself kind of separated me from the crowds. I never thought I was doing good enough, or that I looked good enough, or that I was accomplishing enough, and truthfully its a struggle I still wrestle with today. I lost a few really close friendships back in those days, for normal reasons like people moving, or girl groups separating, but for some reason missing those few special ladies left me with a big hole in my heart. I always thought I missed them a lot more than they could have missed me, but last night, I realized, I was over thinking a whole lot of things. I guess I was important to a few people, and lucky me, it’s the same people that I thought were so important to me!

This car was a very special gift to my husband, so special we rarely take it out!

This car was a very special gift to my husband, so special we rarely take it out! And we definitely don’t park it at the Zoo!

I’m really fortunate that my husband twisted my arm and made me go. Of course, he did get his convertible out of storage, which probably helped convince me. I love fast cars. I can’t help it, I just do. So, he pulled out all the stops. He really nagged at me until I agreed to go. I thought it was supposed to be the wife, dragging the husband to all these kinds of things, but no, in our house- he’s the social butterfly! I had to get over the fact that I haven’t discovered the miracle “get skinny quick” pill, and I had to make peace with the list of things I never have done, but I also got to see the smiles I haven’t seen in 20 years.

I think the funniest story I heard all night was when a friend of mine said “I remember being so jealous of you in junior high!” I was shocked, what in the world was there to envy me for?

“You were ambidextrous so you could grade papers with the checking pen in one hand while changing answers with the pencil in your other hand!”

Uh-oh, I did that? Oops, don’t tell the kids about that one….

I moved away shortly after graduating in the age before Facebook, so I truly haven’t run into anyone in the mini-mart or passed anyone in the mall. It was the first time I’d seen any of them since growing up. Maybe it was good to have waited so long to see any of them. All of the “mean girls” were just normal people and all of the shy girls had gotten over that too! And at the end of the night, I even got an award. Ok, so it was for having the most kids, but hey, gotta get props where you can, right??

trophe

I guess when 30 years rolls around, I won’t be so reluctant to get myself out there and mingle with the crowd! And if anyone wants to pass me up in the “Most Kids” category, have fun with that!!

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3 responses »

  1. I think we all feel like that in High School. I know I sure did and I was a cheerleader and best friends with the prom and homecoming queen! Even the popular ones (though I don’t think I qualified as that despite who my friends were) are crippled with self doubt and insecurities. Most of us grow up and get past it . . . most of us! 😉

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