The past few weeks have been pretty tough on us. I’ve been such a ball of emotions. Some days I don’t know which way is up, but I just keep trudging along. The thing about losing my step-dad is that I’m just swimming in the sea of regrets. I guess everyone does that when you lose someone, but I can’t help but think about the many times I could have, should have, done something a little different.
I cleaned out my voicemail the other day, and I had two messages from him. I archived them- its surreal to think that is the last time I will ever hear his rumbling voice (it boomed so much bigger than you would expect from his small stature) saying “Tiff, this is Dad, call me back…”
Every childhood has it’s ups and downs, but I have to say this about mine… for any mistake I thought my parents made with me, they more than made up for them when it came to being grandparents. My step-dad did so many things for my kids, he was truly a good Pawpaw. He took Blondie on a shopping spree once that rivaled that of Pretty Woman. He thought it was every girl’s dream to go on a shopping spree, and I’m truly grateful that she got to do that as a bubbly high school student and not a rent-starved Hollywood hooker. But, it’s the things we didn’t get around to that are killing me. My oldest son was supposed to go shooting with him, and his little brother was waiting for Pawpaw to see him play football and the little ones miss knowing that if they braved the man-room, they could end up with a handful of candy. It’s just so weird that he’s not up those stairs shouting “y’all be quiet down there!”
I wish I could say that his passing brought my sisters and I closer together, but sadly nothing could be further from the truth. I don’t think anyone has figure out who to be in relation to one another, and I hate that. My step-mom has wonderful sisters. I always admire them when I see them sitting together. My dad has undergone surgery after surgery the past few years, and whenever we have gathered at the hospital, those sisters are always by her side. They cook meals for one another, bake each other pies, take shopping days together, and I wish upon wishes that I knew that connection with my siblings.I wish we could learn to serve one another in the spirit of God’s love. Maybe someday….
Until then, I’m hoping to find a little joy to focus on. I have been so busy with Blondie and the kids and trying to cope with all the things that have happened, that for a moment I forgot to celebrate with my community. Our Rockdale Tigers are on the road to a state championship.
Tonight, we meet back up with our biggest rivals, the Cameron Yoemen for the quarterfinals. We won our bell back this year in one of the most exciting football games I’ve been to in quite a while. The Battle of the Bell is one of the oldest rivalry games in Texas. It brings out more fans that any other game in Milam County every year. Facebook and Twitter are all a-buzz with this late season rematch. I went to Cameron yesterday to get my son a driver’s license and I saw a truck that said “They ain’t ready for this…” and I said “oh how I wish I could slap a blue paw print on that!”
I can’t believe it’s December, and we’re still playing football. That’s amazing. I believe in that old idea that it takes a village to raise a child and it takes a town to build a team. So today, instead of thinking about the phone calls I didn’t make or the plans I didn’t get around to, I’m praying for a group of kids to be lifted up in victory. Tonight, win or lose, these boys have taken their team further than they’ve gone in many years. The town is filling up with blue and gold and we’re ready for the Friday night lights to shine bright upon us. I love to see people catching the spirit.
I love the cheerleaders and the dancers and the band nerds, and the even the coaches that I don’t always agree with. They have given us a gift, a reason to stand together and cheer for the kids in this town!
Will we make state? I’m thinking ’tis the season!