It’s kind of funny that I have seven kids but I’ve only given birth twice! Twice was enough for me, though. Both times I had pre-eclampsyia so bad, I was in danger of crossing over to the other side. I spent my last trimester on bed rest with my pregnancies, so I’m beyond amazed to see my Blondie playing gigs in her final weeks of pregnancy.
She welcomed the new year belting out a few tunes in San Antonio in the freezing cold.
I’m amazed at this girl who managed to play 6 shows a week with a tube hanging out of her back to drain her kidney, along with the normal exhaustion of being pregnant. But as they say, the show must go on!
While they were busy playing the last gigs they could play for a while, I tried to get our house ready for a baby shower. I had 40 loads of laundry and every single time I walked into the laundry room I noticed the smell of fire. I searched far and wide for the culprit.
I was a nervous wreck! Just a few days earlier I told my mom how overwhelming it was to keep my house in order. I actually said “Sometimes I think it would be easier to strike a match and watch it burn!”
She did her best to console me, but I drove home feeling defeated by dust bunnies and dirty clothes. A few hours later, I was sitting on my bed when my niece Nattalie came over. We were chatting when suddenly I smelled smoke. We did our best to track down the fire, but we could never find it. About 20 minutes passed before I noticed the white cloud building up against my ceiling. My fan was on fire! I called my mother. “I jinxed myself!” The house nearly burned down, from my bedroom!
I knew I couldn’t threaten to torch this place ever again. It may be shabby, but the fact that the mortgage is down to $5,000 is kind of chic! So when I smelled smoke again, I started to feel a little cursed. I checked all the outlets, the ceiling fans, the lights, the appliances, and I even cleaned out the closet where the hot water heater is housed. I searched the house, questioned every child, and did my best to figure out the mystery of the burnt smell. I came up short on every effort. What’s more, when I asked the kids, they all swore I was the only one smelling a weird smell. When I left with Blondie and her Beau, I had that uneasy feeling, but I kept telling myself that I’m just crazy.
It’s not that hard to believe. I can be a little out of whack from time to time. So I tried to turn my attention to my favorite band, Treble Soul. Now, I’ve heard my Blondie sing “Don’t Forget To Remember Me” many times over the years, but for some reason, that night, it gave me chills. The goosebumps jumped up on my arms while tears poured down my face. I guess this time the words were all too true….
“18 years have come and gone, for mama they flew by, for me they drug on and on….”
I couldn’t believe how deeply the words moved me. But just as I thought I was about to completely lose all my mascara (a crime in the Book of Tiffany) the phone rang.
It was Daddy! Uh-Oh!!
He said “Well, you won’t believe what I just found!”
I knew it would be fire-related, but what he said next blew my mind. After hearing a ruckus in the laundry room, he got out of bed to check on the kids. He caught them huddled under a blanket lighting dryer lint!
I can’t believe I spent the entire day thinking I was crazy, chasing down ghost fires that were happening because I had cursed myself when all along there was a little boy who found a lighter!
Unfortunately I read that stuffing dryer lint into toilet-paper tubes was a great way to create fire starter logs for fireplaces, and I shared that idea with Blondie in front of little ears.
WHAT WAS I THINKING??
(and by fortunately I mean: THANK YOU JESUS- son of Mary and God, Please continue to watch over our littlle pyro and keep us all safe from harm in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, AMEN)
FORTUNATELY no one was hurt performing that stunt, except for the possible sting of discipline dished out by one mad daddy. The next day I took to Google images for some examples of just how wrong their little session of mischief could have gone. I told you, big families have big problems. It’s not because they are bad kids, it’s because when they find something bad to do, they have accomplices!
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