Still here

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I’m sitting in this hospital room again. There’s nothing like the cold sterile surroundings of a place like this to make you seek our your blessings. Honestly I feel like I spend too much time here, but just when I start to let my inner-child pout a little bit, something always slaps me back into reality.

Tonight I am reflecting on the life of two babies I never knew. The other night we were in the emergency room when an 11 month old was brought in. What had me feeling uneasy was the presence of a sheriff and the lack of a family. When my kids are sick or hurt, you can bet your last dollar I’m with them. Then I heard mutterings: “what do we call this? A drowning?” The questions in that tone made my heart sink. I told my closest friends I knew we’d be hearing more about this baby Benjamin, and tonight as I tried to pass the time I came across the news story that said this poor baby didn’t just drown. Warrants have been issued because stories don’t match. I knew there was something fishy there. Then the next story in my feed was a baby one county over who suffered blunt force trauma and was sexually assaulted and then murdered. At first I thought it was all one story. Surely I wasnt seeing two separate tragedies! Lord God, protect those psychotic people from my path, because this mama would show them no mercy. This is small town Texas and we have two dead babies! Where were these mothers? Where were theses fathers? Who was protecting those sweet little souls? The anger welling up in my heart is the very reason I could never work in emergency services, I’d be seeking revenge for all the helpless children. I don’t really believe in revenge. I beleive in love and forgiveness and peace and happiness but nothing makes me angrier than to see a child broken. Children deserve for us to lift them up, not tear them down….. not let them die!

Thinking of baby Benjamin and the unnamed child reminded me to count my blessings. I have my beautiful grand-daughter and seven amazing kids and while we are facing a few challenges, jumping some hurdles, they are right here with me. I can’t imagine a world without one of them in it. So even though I hate hospitals, and I hate seeing my Blondie spend even one more day is this cold sterile place, this is where we will be until somebody solves this mystery. Say a prayer for us, and one for Baby Benjamin and all the broken children too, and if you like, I’ll say my prayers for you!

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