If You Give A Mom a Paintbrush

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Lately my life reminds me of that book, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, it’s just one thing after another after another. So, admittedly, I stole the mouse story and made it my own. It goes something like this:

If you give a mom a paintbrush, she’s going to want to paint her bedroom. You’ll have to go with her to Lowes so she can buy two gallons of color and a gallon of glossy enamel.

paint

She’ll settle on a warm shade of gray and bright white gloss and she’ll break out her coupon for $5 off a gallon of Olympic. If she has a coupon for the paint, she’ll want to use her savings to add some decorative moldings.

If she buys the moldings, she’s going to want new baseboards, so she will pull off the old baseboards and throw them out the front door.

When she pulls off the old baseboards, she’ll see that there is some damage to the sheet-rock. She won’t want to leave that damage, even if her husband says to paint over it. She’s been watching too much HGTV.

Since she’s been watching too much HGTV, she already has a sheet-rock saw. She will start to cut out the sheet-rock and really agitate her husband. He will come behind her and finish up with a hammer and a razor blade. Then her son-in-law will help him carry it out the front door and add it to the pile.

Since she needs new sheet-rock, she’s going to make another trip to Lowes. When she’s at Lowes she’s going to see the shelves that remind her that she wanted to go to Hobby Lobby. If she goes to Hobby Lobby, she’s going to redecorate from scratch.

angel-wings

She’ll buy turquoise angel wings because she has a 40% off coupon, and she’s always wanted angel wings. Once she has her angel wings, she’s going to spot the shelves that will finish off the room perfectly. She’ll buy the shelves and a new end table. Her son will load it all in his truck and drive her to Bed, Bath and Beyond.

When she gets to Bed, Bath and Beyond she will see the perfect comforter. She will sit on it and admire the thread count.

If she sits on it she will see the price tag. The price tag will remind her that she’s almost broke. Since she’s almost broke, she’ll go to Walmart and get something close enough for now.

If she goes to Walmart to get something close enough for now, she’ll decide it’s time to part with a lot of her clutter. She’ll buy a huge plastic box and fill it up with her high school yearbooks and the teddy bear she got when she was two years old from her Uncle Red. If she packs up the teddy bear, she’ll finally have a grownup room. Before she’s even done shopping she will start to imagine her new, grownup bedroom- complete with an essential oils diffuser.

When she gets back from shopping, she’ll patch in the new sheet-rock and paint the new baseboards and nail in the new star molding. Her father-in-law will loan her an air compressor so she can use the nail gun. Using the nail gun will remind her that she likes power tools.

If she remembers that she likes power tools, she will probably want to tackle the bathroom next, and if she decides to tackle the bathroom next, chances are, she’s going to need a paintbrush…

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