I grew up as a step-child. My parents divorced when I was four years old. The step-grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins- they were nice to me. But there were those awkward moments when I felt like an outsider, or a misfit.
I’m not putting anyone down. My parents were just navigating the rocky waters that happen after a divorce. However, those little moments where I felt like I was on the outside changed the mother I was going to be.
I knew from the start that any child in my house would be loved 100%, regardless of who gave birth to them. When I met my husband, Blondie was part of the package. She was the cutest baby girl I’d ever seen! And from that very first moment, I knew if I was going to make a home with that man, that baby would have a spot in it.
Blondie always had her own room. Obviously sometimes that doesn’t work. Sometimes kids have to share and there’s nothing wrong with that. I just wanted her to always know this was her home, too. She was really little when she came to live with us for good, and I never ever thought of her as the step-child. She was part of my husband. She was part of my son. She was part of me. Period. End of story.
What shocks me is how often people are surprised to find out I’m a step-parent. In fact, out of seven kids, I only gave birth twice. My heart doesn’t worry about which two kids came out of me. My heart worries about how much I put into every single child here!
That’s why I was beyond angry and disturbed this morning. My husband was at Blondie’s show last night when he ran into his cousin’s ex. I knew this cousin had different parenting styles that we do. Not every parent wants their kid to chase a music dream. And that’s ok. What is not ok is allowing your second wife to remove your child from your life.
Usually I don’t buy much into the he said \ she said drama. The truth is never one-sided. This time is different. This time I just want to call the cousin and the wife and say “WTF!”
The ex-wife is having a hard time. So I’m guessing Son went over to Dad’s house. Step-Mom didn’t appreciate that. So this is the text message she sent:
I’m not sure who I’m more angry with! Am I mad at her for mistreating Son, or am I furious with Husband for allowing his wife to alienate his child? That child was in this world before that marriage bonded!!
I want to call them both and tell them how the cow eats the cabbage… because it would go something like this:
Listen up Step-mom- when you married him, you knew he had a kid. And then you had a kid- so you don’t allow your son’s brother to come around whenever? Ever heard of brotherly love?
He’s not a little boy anymore! He doesn’t need you to change his pull-up, make him a sippy cup, or even drive him to the mall! He’s a young adult, going through the ups and downs of early adulthood. He needs his father! How dare you take that away from him!!
And as for tried? You tried for 12 years? Do you think it’s right to send the kid to McDonalds when he needed to poop because he didn’t live there? He can’t use the toilet in his father’s house because he’s not “in the family”?
He couldn’t have a key to the house because he might “stop by”.
If I popped up at my father’s house right now, and he wasn’t home, my step-mom would smile big and offer me a piece of pie! I could sit in his recliner and take over the remote control. I’m always welcome. So I know I’m loved.
You took the entire family away from Husband. Honestly, how do you live with that??
In order to take a 2 hour road trip with his son, Husband had to take you to PARIS?! Are you kidding me? Son is an amazing drummer. Sixth Street is nothing but live music. A father-son road trip is part of life. The good part of life. Husband used to be a bad ass drummer too- before you erased that part of him.
I knew something was wrong with you the day you fed my kids dinner. They had to wash their hands twice. Then you inspected them. Then after dinner they had to wash up again for dessert. They never left the table! Come on now, haven’t you ever heard George Carlin talk about germs?
Let me enlighten you for a moment: (warning, language!!)
Then there was that hurricane. Y’all needed to evacuate. I got up in the night and made a spot for all of you. The next morning you decided this wasn’t the Ritz and you left so fast it looked like Wile E. Coyote was running you down. We weren’t rich enough for the likes of you!
I can handle your judgments. They mean nothing to me. I live within my means. I’m at peace with my lack of fancy digs.
However, I don’t think I will ever look at your Husband the same way again. If I remarried, my new husband would know my kids are part of me and welcome anytime. On the flip side, if I ever discluded my “step” daughter- my husband would put me in my place fast enough to make my head spin. We have expectations when it comes to loving our kids.
MAYBE we have lived our lives by a different philosophy. Mi casa es sous casa! It applies to every single person in our family. Except for you Step Mom. You’re the reason children fear step-parents. YOU are the reason someone is walking around without his father. But think about this- if wife #2 can erase the family of the past, wife #3 will erase you. How will you feel when YOUR son gets the shaft?
Or do you even have feelings? Looks like the germX might’ve killed those too!