Attack of the Killer Broomstick

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Attack of the Killer Broomstick

Mornings in my zoo are known to be chaotic. Especially lately. I’ve got one kid with a stomach ulcer who feels icky. I’ve got another kid who thinks the words “get up” don’t apply to him until the 9th time. And then I’ve got another one who prances around pretending I’m going to let her out the door in red high heels.

Last I checked, that’s not really 4th grade appropriate. But, I can usually count on the twins to be easy going in the AM.

They typically get out of bed by the second wake-up call. They get dressed with very little fuss and even brush their teeth the first time I say it. However, this morning all bets were off, and nothing went according to plan.

Let’s just start with the fact that yesterday a rainstorm brought water into my bedroom. Therefore, my laundry mountain multiplied exponentially. So, I changed over laundry until 2am.

That’s when Hercules sounded the alarm. Thanks to his pestering bark, my oldest son caught someone trying to break into his truck. The wannabe thief was unsuccessful; however, the excitement kept us up for another hour.

So, this morning I wasn’t exactly a buckets of bubbles. And when I stepped into the boys’ room, all hell almost broke loose.

I’m still fuming over the fact that crushed ramen noodles littered the floor I cleaned less than 12 hours before this moment. Nothing frustrates a mama more than seeing her domestic engineering destroyed in record time. I gave those boys 10 minutes to get the broom and restore my efforts.

Moments later, one twin was standing over me with blood gushing down his face.

“What happened to you?” I asked, half-expecting his answer to involve sibling assault.

“I hit myself with the broom.”

I’m still trying to wrap my head around this.

Apparently, in an earlier effort to clean his room, someone bent the broomstick. Later, part of it broke off. So, when Jayden decided to use the remainder of the broomstick to help him stand up, he slipped and sliced his ear.

I was unaware that my 10 year old needed assistance to stand up, otherwise we may have ordered him a Hurry Cane. Naively, I thought he was still young and bouncy. Further, I missed the hazard of the broken broom stick. In fact, I probably told someone it was still functional, as a broom. Again, I wasn’t aware of its use as an assisted living device.

At first glance, I thought a little pressure would be enough to stop the bleeding. On second examination, I decided the emergency room was going to be the next step. It definitely needed superglue or stitches.

That’s when my half-asleep husband tried to play Dr. Dad. Let’s just say Dr. Mom has a much sweeter bedside manner.

Four stitches and two steri-stips later, we’re lucky to have a perfectly good ear sewn back in place. I’m sure the staff will all take home the story of the kid who almost cut his earlobe off with a broomstick.

Dr. Dad was kind enough to buy the kid McDonald’s after he was all stitched up.

Now the morning excitement has passed, but we’re going to bed early tonight. Thank goodness this was the last Monday of the school year. Now let’s hope these are the last stitches we need anytime soon…

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About Tiffany Layne

This mom blogger has tackled everything from adoption, ADD, ADHD, OCD, ODD, conduct disorder, hives, pimples, curfew violations, and puberty to sweaty armpits, major surgeries, prom nights and letter jackets in addition to becoming a fairy godmother (aka Grandma).

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