In the Spirit of Jackass

In the Spirit of Jackass

Life in a house of mostly boys is far different from life in a house of all girls. Trust me, I know.

I grew up with 5 sisters. We fought over curling irons, hairspray, and mirror time in the morning.

We didn’t plan elaborate gags against each other.

But the tides definitely turned when I became a mom. I blame my mother-in-law.

Seriously, I’m not just being a jerk… It really is her fault. See, I used to shield my children from anything that wasn’t rated G. Then I sent the kids for their first week with their grandparents.

Guess what they watched? Yep… Jackass. So, as the years passed by and our family grew, so did the practical jokes. It’s Johnny Knoxville’s fault. He just had to make a show where everyone is constantly formulating an evil plan.

Once, Tucker gave Trenton some chocolate before school. Trenton gladly ate two pieces.

Unfortunately, they were squares of x-lax. It wasn’t until a few years later that Tucker owned up to his prank, and Trenton finally knew why he spent that day running to the bathroom.

Then there was the time Dylan shaved the eyebrow off Tucker’s best friend. I thought poor Adrian would never be allowed back over. But the eyebrow, luckily, grew back and his dad cooled off.

And then there’s the dead frog. Really, I guess it’s more like a frog skeleton. My husband thought he’d scare me with it oneday and he put it in the shower. Not to be outdone, I put it next to his pillow. It’s been 11 years and the frog still pops up in random places around the house.

I can’t even begin to list the many times habenero sauce manages to find its way into some unsuspecting soul’s drink.

So, needless to say, I’ve learned to never drink something that doesn’t belong to me- which is why I was caught totally off guard the other night.

I keep a glass of ice water next to me at all times. (Part of that whole eat clean movement that I fail miserably at.)

The other night my sweet grandbaby decided she was spending the night with me. Did I mention she loves Febreeze? Either this house is stinky, or she really loves to spray things.

I had a new double pack of Tide scented Febreeze. Presley ran all around the house, spraying everything in her path. Finally, she was satisfied that she’d spayed everything and she crawled in my bed to watch YouTube on my cell phone.

I picked up my green cup, and took a huge gulp of the last bit of “water” in my cup.

Immediately I spit out what I could, but I had already swallowed most of it. And it wasn’t water. It was Tide scented Febreeze. Immediately, I started throwing up.

I bet I spent the next 15 minutes puking and that taste is even worse coming back up.

Let’s just call that my near death experience for the year. After I brushed my teeth 11 times, I looked over at my grandbaby. She was giving me the death stare. So, I said, “Presley, you almost poisoned your Momo.”

She responded with the sweetest little three year old “I’m sorry” that you ever heard.

No (permanent) harm, no foul, I suppose. The bright side is this. When you vomit Febreeze on your shirt, it actually smells freshly washed!

I’m still not sure whether she was spraying everything in site, or if Presley targeted her Momo. If it was deliberate, she might be crowned the Queen of Jackass. Hey, she may be a bit young for that word, but she’ll take any crown she can get.

Meanwhile, I tried to outdo her this morning.

Last night the hubby and I went to Walmart and did a little shopping at 1am.

I spotted something new on the fruit snack aisle.

Yes folks! Hot and spicy fruit roll ups! I snatched them up quick. I had to hide them in my bedroom in order for them to last through the night. (Another hazard of living in a house full of boys, all food disappears at lightening speed.)

This morning, I hollered out. “I got y’all new fruit snacks for school.”

I tossed my unsuspecting children the spicy treats.

Five minutes later, I heard screams from the front porch. “Mom! Why’d you give me a hot roll up? My mouth is on fire! My throat is burning!”

I didn’t consider the possibility that one kid would open theirs before school started, or I would have been camera ready.

Still, my husband and I got a good laugh. And two of my crew asked to pay forward my mischievous scheme. So, I let them take a few fruit roll ups to school to share with their best friends.

Only now am I considering the possibility that a few scolding mothers might call me later. If they do, I’m blaming this hole thing on Johnny Knoxville. He ruined the sweetness of our family. You know what they say. Either prank, or be pranked!


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