Category Archives: Blogging

It’s My Birthday Too!

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It’s My Birthday Too!

Dear Softy,

You’ve been gone for 13 years now… and I still think of you every single day. But especially on our day. On our day, I sing the Beatles and miss you like crazy.

I’m afraid I don’t sing it quite the same way, but hey, I sing it to you!

Most years I cry. But the tears aren’t as awful as they used to be. The hole is still deep in my heart, but I’ve learned to smile when I miss you.

I wish I had more pictures of us together. I wish I had more pictures of you. There are never enough memories when you cross my mind.

Last year was probably the worst year of my life. I hope nothing ever tops it. I was scared most days. I thought any moment everything was going to implode. I worried about my daughters. I worried about my sons. I worried about my marriage. And I worried about the strain our troubles were taking on the entire family. I could feel the sorrow every time I talked with my mom or my dad and it just made my heart ache.

So many times I thought about you. I just know you would of had the perfect words of wisdom to get me through the rock bottom of my existence.

There were days when I tried to channel your voice and give myself a pep talk.

The other night I had this dream. You will still here. My step-dad too. And I was talking to both of you. And I was listening to you tell me you’d been here each day. You were telling me all about the things I’d been through, just to prove you were never far away. I woke up feeling your presence. In fact, I was calling your name out loud.

Sometimes I get those dreams and I see you and I don’t even want to get out of bed because I don’t want to lose that moment. But I have to get up. These kids will knock the walls down if I’m not watching carefully.

You know 40 started off rough, but it sure did turn around. I’m finally finishing college. I know, it took me a few decades. That’s ok. The more amazing thing is that I’m a writer. A real bonafide cash-the-check writer!

And my kids are doing amazing things. Blondie got married and her dreams are slowly coming true. My Dyl Pickle is graduating. And the rest of the crew is moving right along. Tucker is going to high school. I always wish you had seen him just once. I still think of you in the hospital that last night I saw you. You said “wee Willy Tucker, that silly little f—–fellow.” He was born 41 days after you passed on. I’m not sure how my dad came up with the exact same sentence, but he did. Isn’t that ironic?

Trenton is headed to Junior High which will make the twins the rulers of intermediate school- big fifth graders! And KK is only one step behind, but you know all this, because you’re still here. I know you’re here.

When I feel like breaking down, I say to myself “Girl get yourself together. Softy is gonna see you fall apart” and that’s how I pick myself up when the days are overwhelming.

41 is going to be amazing, I just know it is. Whether I’m conquering the world wide web or tucking my grandbaby into bed, I know you’re part of me and I never let that go.

Birthday Buddies

My grandfather and I at our last birthday dinner

And now when I think of our birthday, I smile more than I cry. You were the greatest gift the good Lord ever gave me. Grandfathers have a way of making the world magical, and you did exactly that.

So Happy Birthday Softy. I still miss you, but today I’m gonna try not to cry, because it’s my birthday too!

Love always,
Tiffany XoXoX

Ready or Not, Here We Go

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I’m not sure if I’m going to sit down and make any iron clad resolutions this year. Instead I think I will vow to count my blessings every single day. This past year I really learned how to let go and let God. I’ve been at the bottom of the barrel with the cutoff notices in my hand and no idea how I was going to manage them and instead of freaking out I folded my hands together and at every turn He provided for my every need. It takes a lot for a control freak to give into blind faith and trust that everything will be ok, but I’ve lived in this house 17 years and so far we’ve always had food and lights and clothes and gasoline in the car so if I’ve had to swallow some lumps, that’s ok, it was all part of the journey.

20141209_083117I know 2017 is going to bring a lot of new changes. In just a few short months my first born son will graduate high school and move on to new things. This house will change. I won’t have my Mr. FixIt all the time. And when he goes, Hercules will go with him, and I’m gonna miss his big sad eyes riding shotgun every morning. Read the rest of this entry

A Legend, A Bug, and a Disaster

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The past month or so I have been doing some remodeling in my bedroom, which led me to decide I needed to declutter the entire house. You see, I’ve lived in this house for nearly 18 years. I haven’t moved from house to house so I haven’t dug out every closet and purged every cabinet the way a true Martha Stewart wannabe should. With Christmas around the corner, I thought it would be a good time to just do a major toss out.

Little did I know that one thing would lead to another and this project would take me nearly two months to complete. To make matters worse, one day my little grandbaby lost my cell phone just when the kitchen sink decided to leak and the dog chewed up a library book while I had made a pile of junk to get rid of in the front yard. I got really frustrated that day. I went into the laundry room, where the mountain lives, and tears started to pour out of my eyes. For a minute there I thought about quitting my job, but who would I give my letter of resignation to?

Dear washing machine, You’re on your own. Start if you want to, spin if you feel like it, rust for all I care… Read the rest of this entry

Semper Fi and I Miss You

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My step-dad and I had a complicated relationship. There was a lot of love between us. When my teacher decided to push a gifted student over the edge by giving me Trigonometry homework in the 4th grade, he stayed up with me until 2:30 in the morning, teaching me this math that I had no foundation for, and somehow we got it done. When I proudly turned it in the next day, she looked at me dumbfounded. When I asked what my grade was, she said “oh this wasn’t for a grade…” I went home that night feeling defeated and the next day he went to school with me, and I got my grade. I’m sure I was quite a nerdy kid, but he didn’t tell me that. Read the rest of this entry

About Last Night

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Yesterday my list was longer than the hours I had in front of me. I had work, one sick kid at home, two kid appointments, senior pictures (that were luckily postponed), voting, grocery shopping, making cheeseburger pie and keeping the grand-baby on the list. That doesn’t include the stuff I didn’t put on the list, like laundry, iTigers, lunch drop-offs, or desperately hoping to squeeze in a nap. Needless to say, it was a typical too-much-t0-do kind of day. Read the rest of this entry

It All Evens Out

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Last night I heard yelling from my bedroom. “Hey! I accidentally paused the TV! How do I fix it?!” I couldn’t believe it was my husband asking this ridiculous question, but I went ahead and answered him. “Push play” I said. “It’s not working, I tried;” he carried on and on until he said “come fix it!”

“UMMMMMM NOOOOO! I’m pretty busy in here!”  Read the rest of this entry

If You Give A Mom a Paintbrush

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Lately my life reminds me of that book, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, it’s just one thing after another after another. So, admittedly, I stole the mouse story and made it my own. It goes something like this:

If you give a mom a paintbrush, she’s going to want to paint her bedroom. You’ll have to go with her to Lowes so she can buy two gallons of color and a gallon of glossy enamel.

paint

She’ll settle on a warm shade of gray and bright white gloss and she’ll break out her coupon for $5 off a gallon of Olympic. If she has a coupon for the paint, she’ll want to use her savings to add some decorative moldings.

Read the rest of this entry

Laugh A Little, Cry A Little, Just Keep Swimming!

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Laugh A Little, Cry A Little, Just Keep Swimming!

Ok, before I say anything else, let’s start with where the heck have I been? According to Facebook and it’s built-in guilt-trip providing insights, my followers are wondering why I haven’t been posting! The answer is far too simple I’m afraid. It’s summertime.

I have to admit this has been one of the better summers I’ve had in a while. No, we didn’t get to go on vacation. We haven’t seen anything fabulous or fantastic or amazing. We’ve seen a few cousins, hit a few family gatherings, but mostly, we’ve tried to find as many swimming holes that meet our criteria, which happens to be within an hour drive, free, and fun. So far I think we have about 5 different ones we’ve frequented.

I wish I could tell you it’s been all water holes and jars full of lightening bugs and capturing memories with my Rebel Read the rest of this entry

When The Doves Cry

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Isn’t it amazing how we connect our lives through music? I’m such a lover of music, and I have such an eclectic taste in music and there are a thousand songs that help me remember the stories of my life. I think the first song I remember loving was “he’s just a Coca-Cola Cowboy, with an Eastwood smile and Robert Redford hair…” I was about 2 or 3 years old when I ran around the house singing that. It reminded me of my Daddy, who was driving a Coke truck while going to the Fire Academy. “Jeremiah was a bullfrog- was a good friend of mine,” that was my anthem! You lose most of the day-to-day memories of childhood, but those stick with me, maybe because they’re attached to a melody.

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Blessings, Not Bee Stings

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I have to admit it. I’m one of those people. I love inspirational quotes. Yep, I do. I try my best not to over-share them on Facebook or pin too many on Pinterest but sometimes a good ole quote is exactly the boost I need!

This morning as I walked up the stairs at the high school, I noticed some very profound words hanging on the wall. They went something like this:

Respect

It was a good day for that reminder to cross my path. I was on the verge of spewing some highly disrespectful thoughts. Sometimes it’s very hard to face ignorance with kindness. Read the rest of this entry