Category Archives: funny stories

In the Spirit of Jackass

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In the Spirit of Jackass

Life in a house of mostly boys is far different from life in a house of all girls. Trust me, I know.

I grew up with 5 sisters. We fought over curling irons, hairspray, and mirror time in the morning.

We didn’t plan elaborate gags against each other.

But the tides definitely turned when I became a mom. I blame my mother-in-law.

Seriously, I’m not just being a jerk… It really is her fault. See, I used to shield my children from anything that wasn’t rated G. Then I sent the kids for their first week with their grandparents.

Guess what they watched? Yep… Jackass. So, as the years passed by and our family grew, so did the practical jokes. It’s Johnny Knoxville’s fault. He just had to make a show where everyone is constantly formulating an evil plan.

Once, Tucker gave Trenton some chocolate before school. Trenton gladly ate two pieces.

Unfortunately, they were squares of x-lax. It wasn’t until a few years later that Tucker owned up to his prank, and Trenton finally knew why he spent that day running to the bathroom.

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It All Evens Out

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Last night I heard yelling from my bedroom. “Hey! I accidentally paused the TV! How do I fix it?!” I couldn’t believe it was my husband asking this ridiculous question, but I went ahead and answered him. “Push play” I said. “It’s not working, I tried;” he carried on and on until he said “come fix it!”

“UMMMMMM NOOOOO! I’m pretty busy in here!”  Read the rest of this entry

Teach a Man to Fish

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Teach a Man to Fish

What’s that they say? Give a man a fish,  feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish,  feed him for life! Well,  I say it’s more like teach a kid to fish and he’ll steal your boat.

Lately Dyl Pickle has been going fishing.  He’s always loved fishing.  I can see him now,  4 years old standing on a grassy bank, little fishing pole in hand….

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We Won!!

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We Won!!

If you know my husband, this story is much funnier. If you don’t know him, let me just help you out. He’s 42, but he’s not a day over 17 most of the time. He’s probably the reason some guy invented Adderall (even though he’d never take it) and he may have been the creator of the PHOTO BOMB. When he’s mad he tries to yell, but his booming voice isn’t enough to scare anyone and when he’s worried or thinking he rubs the bald spot on his head. Read the rest of this entry

A pony on the side

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Out of my seven kids,  only two are girls and they just so happen to be the oldest and the youngest.  Even though my Blondie is all grown up,  I still remember exactly how it happened….

It was midway through second grade when her hair styles stopped being up to me every day.  She started having special requests such as braided pigtails or low pony tails.  Then right at the start of 3rd grade she figured she could do it all by herself.  I let her,  even when she looked a little bit like a page out of Dr.  Seuss.  I had just had a baby,  and I remember crying at how big she was getting,  and at the same time I was relieved that I could close my eyes for 5 minutes while she wrestled with the comb and detangler.  Read the rest of this entry

Potluck

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All my kids have ADD or ADHD or OCD or ODD… if it’s got an acronym, we’ve probably got it somewhere in this household. It can make for some challenges. One thing we don’t have is a dull moment. EVER.

Last night in the minutes between football / dance / and cheer practice, I whipped up some Taco Salads to feed my crew. I doubled what I normally cook, which happens to be a lot, because I knew the night of practice would lead to extra hungry kids, and it’s been a while since we had any leftovers to grace the shelves of our refrigerator.

I love to cook three of four days of big meals, and then have an “eat whatever you can find” kind of night. I guess you might call that “Potluck”, but, when you have 5 hungry boys, you don’t always have anything left for Potluck night. Last night I was just about to put away the rest of the refried beans when my son Trenton said “Would you like me to clean out the pan of beans?” Read the rest of this entry

Sex, Drugs, and Late for School

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It’s amazing just how many topics are examined in just one morning here in the zoo. Tucker brought to me a stack of papers I needed to sign for his “Worth the Wait” program. “Worth the Wait” is an abstinence based sex-ed curriculum our school district adheres to. As I was cutting off the bottom portion of the pages, signing the chapters, I was glancing at them to make sure I have truly discussed these topics with him. Read the rest of this entry

The Nurse Called….

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I think I’ve been on speed-dial with the school nurse for the past fifteen years. In fact, Nurses have come and gone, but my number remains the set of digits most often dialed! The other day I got a call that my little princess had thrown up. Before I even made it to the school, I told my niece “I’d bet you anything she threw up her milk so she could come home early.”

I don’t know who would want to be the first one home to hold Ms. Presley!!

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There’s just something about school cafeterias and those little cartons of milk…. they are never quite cold enough and my kids seem to know exactly how to chug it down just fast enough to send it churning right back up…  eeewwwwwwwwwweee.
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Big Family, Big Problems

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So I’m ten days late with the whole resolutions thing, but here we go. This year I’m going to become skinny and rich. Oh wait, I’ve tried that one for the past twenty years. Maybe I should go for something a little more attainable. How bout this year, I’m going to write 250 blogs!

I think I have a lot of unused material floating around. For example, last week I overheard my 7 year old son Jordan talking to his 6 year old sister. He said “KK you need to take a bath. It looks like you’re developing a problem.”

“I don’t have a problem! She pouted with carefully pronounced objections. He replied “You look like one of those ladies that grows a beard.” Read the rest of this entry