I’m not sure if there’s anything more special than a Christmas baby. I’ll never forget the first year I spent Christmas with a baby in my arms. Suddenly, every story I’d ever known took on a whole new meaning.
When summer comes creeping towards the end, one thing is inevitably on my mind. FOOTBALL. Yes, in this house, I’m the football fanatic and my husband could care less who’s playing where or when. He watches the Superbowl for the commercials and that’s about it.
Lately, I’m reminded of why I prefer youth football to the real thing. I’d rather sit in hard bleachers under the blazing sun than deal with the over inflated egos of the NFL. At least when I watch my boys play, I see kids way too respectful to take a knee.
Funny, I just realized I didn’t blog this summer. Technically, that’s not true. I blogged- professionally. I didn’t blog personally. Every summer I swear I’m going to chronicle the lazy days of swimming holes and picnic lunches, but as it turns out, those days aren’t so lazy. When you have a family this size, summertime is a logistical nightmare. There, I’ve said it.
I love summer vacation. I love being home with my kids. But I’m not going to lie, I finally understand those moms who do the happy dance on the first day of school. I used to give those moms dirty looks- and now, I’m the leader of the pack.
I thought for sure I’d catch up my blogging the first day of school, but nope. My football star broke his arm in two places and required surgery to fix it.
A few metal rods later, I guess we can say Tucker never does anything half-ass. That kid puts 100% effort into everything. Read the rest of this entry
Do you ever have those moments where something your parents said rings out in a moment you’re having with your children? Well, it happens to me. I find myself sounding like my mom or my dad and thinking “how did I let this happen?”
This week, two separate instances reminded me of one of the scariest moments of my teenage life.
I was driving to my step-dad’s company picnic in the Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme recently passed down to me.
My little sister was in the car with me.
We spotted a young mother, walking with a baby on her hip. It was so hot outside. If I remember correctly, she was pulling another young child by the hand and she had a gallon of milk. She just looked over-whelmed. Read the rest of this entry
You’ve been gone for 13 years now… and I still think of you every single day. But especially on our day. On our day, I sing the Beatles and miss you like crazy.
I’m afraid I don’t sing it quite the same way, but hey, I sing it to you!
Most years I cry. But the tears aren’t as awful as they used to be. The hole is still deep in my heart, but I’ve learned to smile when I miss you.
I wish I had more pictures of us together. I wish I had more pictures of you. There are never enough memories when you cross my mind.
Last year was probably the worst year of my life. I hope nothing ever tops it. I was scared most days. I thought any moment everything was going to implode. I worried about my daughters. I worried about my sons. I worried about my marriage. And I worried about the strain our troubles were taking on the entire family. I could feel the sorrow every time I talked with my mom or my dad and it just made my heart ache.
So many times I thought about you. I just know you would of had the perfect words of wisdom to get me through the rock bottom of my existence.
There were days when I tried to channel your voice and give myself a pep talk.
The other night I had this dream. You will still here. My step-dad too. And I was talking to both of you. And I was listening to you tell me you’d been here each day. You were telling me all about the things I’d been through, just to prove you were never far away. I woke up feeling your presence. In fact, I was calling your name out loud.
Sometimes I get those dreams and I see you and I don’t even want to get out of bed because I don’t want to lose that moment. But I have to get up. These kids will knock the walls down if I’m not watching carefully.
You know 40 started off rough, but it sure did turn around. I’m finally finishing college. I know, it took me a few decades. That’s ok. The more amazing thing is that I’m a writer. A real bonafide cash-the-check writer!
And my kids are doing amazing things. Blondie got married and her dreams are slowly coming true. My Dyl Pickle is graduating. And the rest of the crew is moving right along. Tucker is going to high school. I always wish you had seen him just once. I still think of you in the hospital that last night I saw you. You said “wee Willy Tucker, that silly little f—–fellow.” He was born 41 days after you passed on. I’m not sure how my dad came up with the exact same sentence, but he did. Isn’t that ironic?
Trenton is headed to Junior High which will make the twins the rulers of intermediate school- big fifth graders! And KK is only one step behind, but you know all this, because you’re still here. I know you’re here.
When I feel like breaking down, I say to myself “Girl get yourself together. Softy is gonna see you fall apart” and that’s how I pick myself up when the days are overwhelming.
41 is going to be amazing, I just know it is. Whether I’m conquering the world wide web or tucking my grandbaby into bed, I know you’re part of me and I never let that go.
And now when I think of our birthday, I smile more than I cry. You were the greatest gift the good Lord ever gave me. Grandfathers have a way of making the world magical, and you did exactly that.
So Happy Birthday Softy. I still miss you, but today I’m gonna try not to cry, because it’s my birthday too!
Valentine’s Day really isn’t my favorite holiday, but I’ve said that before. It just never lives up to those movie-made expectations. I’m always left feeling sort-of bah-humbug. But this year I didn’t have a bad Valentine’s Day…
I didn’t sit around and write 65 cards for my kids to pass out. I sort of hate that tradition because I know where those cards end up. I also didn’t spend 19 hours perfecting the most amazing Pinterest cupcakes ever. Because I also know exactly where those cupcakes wind up. Instead the ZooCrew requested “Fruit Rollup Valentine’s”… AHHHH! The best of both worlds! A cool valentine + a snack for the party rolled into one! I’m loving the Type B personality that has taken over my life. Simple AND impressive: that’s how I roll! (OK, that’s how I’m learning to roll. Better?)
I’m not sure if I’m going to sit down and make any iron clad resolutions this year. Instead I think I will vow to count my blessings every single day. This past year I really learned how to let go and let God. I’ve been at the bottom of the barrel with the cutoff notices in my hand and no idea how I was going to manage them and instead of freaking out I folded my hands together and at every turn He provided for my every need. It takes a lot for a control freak to give into blind faith and trust that everything will be ok, but I’ve lived in this house 17 years and so far we’ve always had food and lights and clothes and gasoline in the car so if I’ve had to swallow some lumps, that’s ok, it was all part of the journey.
I know 2017 is going to bring a lot of new changes. In just a few short months my first born son will graduate high school and move on to new things. This house will change. I won’t have my Mr. FixIt all the time. And when he goes, Hercules will go with him, and I’m gonna miss his big sad eyes riding shotgun every morning. Read the rest of this entry
It’s been a long time since I’ve had so much to say that I’ve posted 4 days in a row, but this week my heart is so full of wonders and worries, questions and thankfulness, nostalgia and heartbreak, and I just can’t seem to stay focused on anything.
One minute I’m thinking about the election and what it means and the next minute I’m praying over my little sister who is dead-locked in a battle with the Big C and then I find myself sorting out unresolved feelings from the unexpected death of my step-father which prompted me to think of the other veterans in my family and what I’ve come up with is this: we all have scars. Read the rest of this entry
My step-dad and I had a complicated relationship. There was a lot of love between us. When my teacher decided to push a gifted student over the edge by giving me Trigonometry homework in the 4th grade, he stayed up with me until 2:30 in the morning, teaching me this math that I had no foundation for, and somehow we got it done. When I proudly turned it in the next day, she looked at me dumbfounded. When I asked what my grade was, she said “oh this wasn’t for a grade…” I went home that night feeling defeated and the next day he went to school with me, and I got my grade. I’m sure I was quite a nerdy kid, but he didn’t tell me that. Read the rest of this entry
Yesterday my list was longer than the hours I had in front of me. I had work, one sick kid at home, two kid appointments, senior pictures (that were luckily postponed), voting, grocery shopping, making cheeseburger pie and keeping the grand-baby on the list. That doesn’t include the stuff I didn’t put on the list, like laundry, iTigers, lunch drop-offs, or desperately hoping to squeeze in a nap. Needless to say, it was a typical too-much-t0-do kind of day. Read the rest of this entry