Tag Archives: birthday

It’s My Birthday Too!

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It’s My Birthday Too!

Dear Softy,

You’ve been gone for 13 years now… and I still think of you every single day. But especially on our day. On our day, I sing the Beatles and miss you like crazy.

I’m afraid I don’t sing it quite the same way, but hey, I sing it to you!

Most years I cry. But the tears aren’t as awful as they used to be. The hole is still deep in my heart, but I’ve learned to smile when I miss you.

I wish I had more pictures of us together. I wish I had more pictures of you. There are never enough memories when you cross my mind.

Last year was probably the worst year of my life. I hope nothing ever tops it. I was scared most days. I thought any moment everything was going to implode. I worried about my daughters. I worried about my sons. I worried about my marriage. And I worried about the strain our troubles were taking on the entire family. I could feel the sorrow every time I talked with my mom or my dad and it just made my heart ache.

So many times I thought about you. I just know you would of had the perfect words of wisdom to get me through the rock bottom of my existence.

There were days when I tried to channel your voice and give myself a pep talk.

The other night I had this dream. You will still here. My step-dad too. And I was talking to both of you. And I was listening to you tell me you’d been here each day. You were telling me all about the things I’d been through, just to prove you were never far away. I woke up feeling your presence. In fact, I was calling your name out loud.

Sometimes I get those dreams and I see you and I don’t even want to get out of bed because I don’t want to lose that moment. But I have to get up. These kids will knock the walls down if I’m not watching carefully.

You know 40 started off rough, but it sure did turn around. I’m finally finishing college. I know, it took me a few decades. That’s ok. The more amazing thing is that I’m a writer. A real bonafide cash-the-check writer!

And my kids are doing amazing things. Blondie got married and her dreams are slowly coming true. My Dyl Pickle is graduating. And the rest of the crew is moving right along. Tucker is going to high school. I always wish you had seen him just once. I still think of you in the hospital that last night I saw you. You said “wee Willy Tucker, that silly little f—–fellow.” He was born 41 days after you passed on. I’m not sure how my dad came up with the exact same sentence, but he did. Isn’t that ironic?

Trenton is headed to Junior High which will make the twins the rulers of intermediate school- big fifth graders! And KK is only one step behind, but you know all this, because you’re still here. I know you’re here.

When I feel like breaking down, I say to myself “Girl get yourself together. Softy is gonna see you fall apart” and that’s how I pick myself up when the days are overwhelming.

41 is going to be amazing, I just know it is. Whether I’m conquering the world wide web or tucking my grandbaby into bed, I know you’re part of me and I never let that go.

Birthday Buddies

My grandfather and I at our last birthday dinner

And now when I think of our birthday, I smile more than I cry. You were the greatest gift the good Lord ever gave me. Grandfathers have a way of making the world magical, and you did exactly that.

So Happy Birthday Softy. I still miss you, but today I’m gonna try not to cry, because it’s my birthday too!

Love always,
Tiffany XoXoX

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Two Pieces of Pie

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It’s been quite a week here in the zoo! Partly because today is my birthday, and I’ve been celebrating all week long. I often get the birthday blues because I shared my birthday with my grandfather for 27 years. Losing him still stings like a swarm of bees straight to the heart.

My life is chaotic. I spend half my time hoping he’s up there watching me, and the other half praying he didn’t see that… you know the moments- the ones where the house is gross and the kids are grosser, or when I forget to hold my tongue, the days when I accomplish nothing. How many times do I say to myself: “If Softy were here, he’d know what I should do…”? Read the rest of this entry

A pony on the side

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Out of my seven kids,  only two are girls and they just so happen to be the oldest and the youngest.  Even though my Blondie is all grown up,  I still remember exactly how it happened….

It was midway through second grade when her hair styles stopped being up to me every day.  She started having special requests such as braided pigtails or low pony tails.  Then right at the start of 3rd grade she figured she could do it all by herself.  I let her,  even when she looked a little bit like a page out of Dr.  Seuss.  I had just had a baby,  and I remember crying at how big she was getting,  and at the same time I was relieved that I could close my eyes for 5 minutes while she wrestled with the comb and detangler.  Read the rest of this entry

For the 11th Time….

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Well folks, it happened! I turned thirty-something for the very last time. April the 9th, the day that made me who I am. Seriously, so much of me has been entwined in the particular day on which I was born. I was expected in May, but that would have made me a Taurus. Not that I’m all hung up on Astrology, but I am slightly entertained by it. I could never be a Taurus because they are practical and they like regularity. I was meant to be an Aries…. the Ram is fiery, bossy, determined, and, well, they can’t be wrong. Yeah, that’s more me. Always right! (Or so I think….) Read the rest of this entry

Killing Birds

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Some people like to say they’re killing two birds with one stone… but I’m so busy I think I have to aim for at least a dozen at a time. Last week our long awaited baby shower finally happened, but not without a ton of preparation. First, there was THE LIST. I always have a list, thanks to the curse of my mother. I remember when I was a kid, I used to laugh at her and her ridiculous lists. She had a grocery list, a list of chores to do, a list of things to pack, a list of places to go, oh and there was that one time we found the list of Christmas gifts that had been bought…. yep, there was always a list and I was sure my superior memory would never require more than a basic ‘what to grab at the store’ list. Unfortunately, my memory has become as cluttered as my little house, so I have resorted to writing it all down.

Because we moved the date of our shower, it sort of became a multi-celebration. My son Trenton turned 9 Saturday, Blondie’s birthday was Sunday, her beau’s birthday was Monday and of course we still wanted to celebrate the birth of Presley, so we were killing lots of birds with one stone!

I had a list of things to buy, a list of things to make, and the longest of them all was the list of projects to complete. We invited so many people to this gathering, and I wanted things to be in top-notch condition. The list went something like:

Clean out kids’ rooms
Tile Kitchen backsplash
Repaint fireplace
Complete backlog of laundry
Declutter countertops and bookshelves
Dust everything we never dust
Replace bedroom doors
Fix hole in the hallway sheetrock
Paint front door and trim on house

You get the idea, there was a lot I wanted to tackle… Read the rest of this entry

Welcome to the World

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The other day was my birthday…. and I’ll tell you, I’m officially 38 years old! I hear a lady doesn’t tell her age, but I’m proud to be this old. When I turn 40, there will be no black balloons, no tombstones, no sad faces… Sure, I’d love to go back to the 15 year old figure I once sported that lacked gray hair or fine lines, but where’s the character in that?  I earned every single one of these gray hairs, including the three I plucked out last week.

Getting older doesn’t bother me, but another year without my birthday buddy, that makes me sad. This year, instead of the flood of tears, I tried to hear his jokes in everything I said or did. It kind of helped. OK, there were still some tears. I believe some people touch our lives so deeply and there is no real recovery from that loss. The hole never heals, you just learn to function with a gaping wound in your heart. My grandfather was that man.

Our last dinner at Loma Linda's

Our last dinner at Loma Linda’s

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Let’s Go Fly a Kite

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An old friend stopped by today. I used to babysit his kids when they were little. Now they’re all big, almost done with high school, and he actually said “I remember looking at this and wondering how I was gonna do it, and now, it’s done!” Yes my friend, it’s done. For you anyway, I still have a few more to go. It had me thinking again, about life and how fast it changes. Read the rest of this entry

Just Hang in There

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     Just hang in there. It’s what I tell my daughter when she calls from Tennessee, and she misses me. She misses the  noise of her little brothers and her little sister’s dirty clothes on the floor and the barking of too many dogs and the loud boom of her Daddy’s voice and complaining that there’s nothing good to eat and all the chaos that lives in our little zoo. But no matter what she says on days like that, I say “Just hang in there!”

Honestly, I think I’m saying it to myself too. Times are tough. I don’t care if you’re Republican or Democrat or Tea Party or Indepent or a Purple People Eater, the world seems to be falling apart and some of us are barely keeping our heads above water.

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Be mine ♡♡

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     There was only one Valentine’s Day I have ever truly loved. I was 23 years old. I had been on bed-rest for 7 weeks. Ask any pregnant lady on bed-rest and they will tell you,  those weeks are multiplied like dog years!
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Another Year Gone….

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This is the blog I started on last Saturday, but as life in the zoo would have it, I’m just now getting to post it! Things are getting pretty crazy around here…

Maybe I should be calling my blog “Life WithOUT Blondie” because she’s fourteen hours away, but at this very moment I am logged in to http://www.honkytonkschool.net like I do every chance I get. It’s a lot of fun being able to stalk your teenage daughter via webcam! Especially on her birthday…

Today she’s 19 years old! Wow. Another year gone! The past few weeks I spent making her a piece of art for her apartment. Now, don’t get too excited, it’s not for sale. I’m sure it would beckon millions on EBay and my financial woes would finally be over, but this was a special gift just for her!

It started out as something kind of like this:

Is there a Picasso of gourd painters?

Is there a Picasso of gourd painters?

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