The other day I got a call. The guys says “hey I’m from the cable company, and someone will be there around 4 to repair your service.” Of course, I have the number of my cable company programmed to my phone- how else could I avoid answering when my bill is late? So I knew this guy was up to something and I said “what cable company?” “The cable company ma’am, didn’t you request that we come install a family filter on your cable box?” Let me guess, you want my credit card pin, my PayPal password, and the social security number of my first born… Nice try buddy! I thought his timing was pretty ironic considering YouTube’s announcement that they are launching “Safety Mode” to the public. Many schools and businesses have already been using this feature for quite some time. It’s not flawless, but it does help block a great deal of the inappropriate material from being played. Of course my little hacker wasn’t happy. “What’s your YouTube password?” He asked me the very next day. “Why do you need it?” I replied. “So I can play the songs on my playlist!” Read the rest of this entry
I’m amazed my kids haven’t figured out that I’m going to catch on to almost everything they try to get away with. Sometimes I think they try harder to slide one by me than it would take to just mind me. Last week I sent Trenton to take a shower. He came out of the bathroom so fast, I knew he didn’t bathe, so I sent him back. This time he turned on the shower on for a few minutes, but still he came back with the same smudge on his cheek, and again I sent him to the bathroom. You would think he’d give in and rinse off a layer of dirt, but no, he ran the shower, splashed a little water on his hair, and tried once again to return to the spot he warmed on the couch. This time, I marched him back to the bathroom, watched as he reluctantly stepped into the shower, and while he got out the soap I gave him the speech about how nobody wants to sit next to the stinky boy in school. Then he actually told me he wants to be the stinky boy… well, he’s off to a good start. Read the rest of this entry
You know, there are tons of jokes based on ethnic, gender, size, color, or any other stereotype you can throw out there, and maybe it’s not fair to assume that anyone six feet tall can shoot hoops, but there’s a reason Blonde’s have a bad rap. That reason is my daughter. No kidding.
When she was 15, I told her a Blonde joke. One day, a blonde was driving down the highway when all of a sudden she was pulled over for speeding. The officer, a fellow blondie, walked up to the car and said “I need to see your driver’s license.” The driver rifled through her purse, looking at various items, and the officer finally said “it’s the rectangle, the one with your picture on it!”
The Blonde quickly handed the officer her compact mirror and said “Oh, here it is!”
The officer took the mirror, looked at it and replied “I didn’t realize you were a police officer too!”
My Blondie is still trying to figure that one out. Meanwhile, she is fueling enough one-liners to start her own Blonde Joke website. The other day we were driving in her car. It was my husband, me, Blondie, and her fiance. We were talking about babies and magic moments and her daddy said “I still remember the moment you were born. I counted every one of your fingers and toes.”
“Why?!” Blondie asked, puzzled…
“To make sure you had all ten of them” Daddy replied.
She paused for a moment, her eyebrows narrowed in confusion, and then she asked, “WELL, DID I??”
We all just looked over at her hands on the steering wheel, and then we wondered, WHY is she the one driving??
To be honest, I’m surprised she didn’t pull over to count her toes…
Every time I give myself a GOOD HEAPING DOSE of OPTIMISM, Murphy’s law comes along and slaps me smooth across the face. Take yesterday for example…
I woke up in a great mood. I even tried to fix the kids some toast. When that didn’t quite work out, I still had a nice demeanor brewing. I resisted the urge to lose my patience time and time again. One of my favorite glasses was dropped, no big deal. We swept up the glass and moved on. Someone turned on the water hose and sprayed everyone jumping on the trampoline, and then muddy feet danced across my freshly mopped kitchen. I closed my eyes, counted to 10, took 42 deep breaths, and let it go. Someone snuck into all the marshmallows. Ok, that’s not a disaster either. I bypassed the meltdown that almost consumed me when when I saw a tornado had passed through our main bathroom. I even brushed off the annoyance I felt when I picked up my cranapple juice only to find someone had gulped it all down! But as every camel knows, there’s always that one straw… Read the rest of this entry
So we made it through another football season, cheerleading season, school year, baseball season, after school program, softball season, and dance recital. I’m getting pretty good at moving from season to season and this year we even accomplished a few firsts! I have to say that every time I get really overwhelmed, feeling like this task is far too big to complete it well, I think back to where I was 5 years ago when I tucked 4 babies in and said to myself “what are we gonna do now?” Read the rest of this entry
It’s pretty hard to believe that it was already a whole year since my Blondie walked across that field, and said goodbye to high school and threw her cap in the air, but what’s even crazier is that last night, I went to my 20 year reunion! Twenty years!! How did that happen?
It seems like lately all I do is apologize. I’m sorry we’re running late to softball practice, I had to drop off the boys at baseball first. I’m sorry I forgot to text you back, my phone went off fourteen hundred times last night and it slipped my mind. I’m sorry my dog got out of the house, I’ve tried my best to train the kids to only let them in the back yard. And I’m sorry, oh so very sorry that this house is never ever as clean as it once was, which was never quite as clean as I wish it was. But most of all, I’m sorry I’ve had to say I’m sorry so many times, and frankly, I’m sick of being so sorry…. Read the rest of this entry
“BONUS MOM.” That’s what my step-sister has always called my mom. I never gave it much thought really but today I’m thinking I really like that way of looking at it.
I’m one of those people with a family tree so tangled you could know me ten years and all not have it figured out but basically I have 5 sisters. I have two “real” sisters, two step-sisters from my dad’s house and one from my mom’s house. Yep, pretty much all girls.
As a child I wasn’t too happy that my parents were divorced. I was even more unhappy that they entertained thoughts of get remarried. It’s hard to believe how long ago that was.
Well, it finally happened. My lotus finally died. I’ve got to say, we had some really good times. She was among the first of the touch screens to make an appearance in the world. It was sad to watch her go from Elite to Extinct!
But all good things must come to an end… I was that lady on the commercial where is says “2006 called, they want their camera phone back!” Yep, the keys had been texted on so many times, the letters were completely rubbed off. You just had to know exactly where they were to use that phone. Read the rest of this entry