There’s a reason for Blonde Jokes

4 Aug

You know, there are tons of jokes based on ethnic, gender, size, color, or any other stereotype you can throw out there, and maybe it’s not fair to assume that anyone six feet tall can shoot hoops, but there’s a reason Blonde’s have a bad rap. That reason is my daughter. No kidding.

When she was 15, I told her a Blonde joke. One day, a blonde was driving down the highway when all of a sudden she was pulled over for speeding. The officer, a fellow blondie,Β  walked up to the car and said “I need to see your driver’s license.” The driver rifled through her purse, looking at various items, and the officer finally said “it’s the rectangle, the one with your picture on it!”

The Blonde quickly handed the officer her compact mirror and said “Oh, here it is!”

The officer took the mirror, looked at it and replied “I didn’t realize you were a police officer too!”

My Blondie is still trying to figure that one out. Meanwhile, she is fueling enough one-liners to start her own Blonde Joke website. The other day we were driving in her car. It was my husband, me, Blondie, and her fiance. We were talking about babies and magic moments and her daddy said “I still remember the moment you were born. I counted every one of your fingers and toes.”

“Why?!” Blondie asked, puzzled…

“To make sure you had all ten of them” Daddy replied.

She paused for a moment, her eyebrows narrowed in confusion, and then she asked, “WELL, DID I??”

We all just looked over at her hands on the steering wheel, and then we wondered, WHY is she the one driving??

To be honest, I’m surprised she didn’t pull over to count her toes…

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Now I’m Seeing Red

31 Jul

Every time I give myself a GOOD HEAPING DOSE of OPTIMISM, Murphy’s law comes along and slaps me smooth across the face. Take yesterday for example…

I woke up in a great mood. I even tried to fix the kids some toast. When that didn’t quite work out, I still had a nice demeanor brewing. I resisted the urge to lose my patience time and time again. One of my favorite glasses was dropped, no big deal. We swept up the glass and moved on. Someone turned on the water hose and sprayed everyone jumping on the trampoline, and then muddy feet danced across my freshly mopped kitchen. I closed my eyes, counted to 10, took 42 deep breaths, and let it go. Someone snuck into all the marshmallows. Ok, that’s not a disaster either. I bypassed the meltdown that almost consumed me when when I saw a tornado had passed through our main bathroom. I even brushed off the annoyance I felt when I picked up my cranapple juice only to find someone had gulped it all down!Β  But as every camel knows, there’s always that one straw… Continue reading

No Toast Today!

30 Jul

So life has gotten pretty busy here in the zoo. Sometimes I fall asleep writing a blog in my mind. IF I actually got all my ideas to my computer, I think the founder of WordPress himself would call me up and tell me “no more bandwidth for you!” Sadly, I don’t actually write all of the things that pop into my head. But I do text myself some of my ideas, just in case the illusive “spare time” creeps up on me!

Summers are manic for me. The kids are all home all day, which means they eat a lot more. I have to run to the store more because we’re forever running out of milk and cereal, and then they spill that cereal on their pants and her we go! I’m doing another load of laundry. I saw this picture on Facebook today, and I thought to myself, in this house, the choice is ALWAYS “RUN”!

laundry

Oh what I would give for my laundry room to look like that!! I’m on the search for a commercial sized triple load washer and dryer. I go to bed dreaming that if I could somehow upgrade to that, my life would become exponentially more enjoyable. What happened to my dreams of making out with “Zach” on Saved by the Bell? Now, I dream of appliances. I never knew my life would head in that direction! Continue reading

She’s Baaaa-aaaack!

21 Jun

So Blondie came home for a few days! Talk about a happy family. The kids were all so excited to have their big sister home. That is, until she started bossing them around just like she used to do. “Pick up those socks! Clean the bathroom!” I have no idea why they jump like firecrackers when she says it, but I say it and I have to repeat it ten times before anyone notices.Β  She says it’s because I’m too soft. I say it’s because she’s too mean. Maybe it’s a little of both. Continue reading

And that’s a wrap….

13 Jun

So we made it through another football season, cheerleading season, school year, baseball season, after school program, softball season, and dance recital. I’m getting pretty good at moving from season to season and this year we even accomplished a few firsts! I have to say that every time I get really overwhelmed, feeling like this task is far too big to complete it well, I think back to where I was 5 years ago when I tucked 4 babies in and said to myself “what are we gonna do now?” Continue reading

School’s Out, FOREVER

8 Jun

It’s pretty hard to believe that it was already a whole year since my Blondie walked across that field, and said goodbye to high school and threw her cap in the air, but what’s even crazier is that last night, I went to my 20 year reunion! Twenty years!! How did that happen?

Dad-Han-Grad

I guess Blondie is never too old to sit in Daddy’s lap!

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10 Questions You Never Ask Your Wife

4 Jun

10 questions you never ask your wife

Sick of sorry….

2 Jun

It seems like lately all I do is apologize. I’m sorry we’re running late to softball practice, I had to drop off the boys at baseball first. I’m sorry I forgot to text you back, my phone went off fourteen hundred times last night and it slipped my mind. I’m sorry my dog got out of the house, I’ve tried my best to train the kids to only let them in the back yard. And I’m sorry, oh so very sorry that this house is never ever as clean as it once was, which was never quite as clean as I wish it was. But most of all, I’m sorry I’ve had to say I’m sorry so many times, and frankly, I’m sick of being so sorry…. Continue reading

Bye Bye Bunny

2 May

So it was the Thursday before Easter when my little boy came home from school, bubbling over with excitement. I wondered why he was on cloud 9, and he quickly let me know he was overjoyed at the thought of Easter. I asked him if he knew what Easter was really about, (yes, he’s been told before, but he’s 6, so I was just checking for comprehension…) and he told me we were celebrating. Continue reading

(Nearly) Wordless Wednesday: Goose Egg!

23 Apr

 

GooseEgg